“It is delivery that makes the orators' success.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There are always situations in life when we are in the position to have to tell someone something they don't want to hear. If you are a manager or a boss, you have probably been faced with this many times. All of us at one time or another find ourselves in these situations, whether it be with a child, a spouse, a friend, a significant other, a co-worker or a family member.

How do you handle this uncomfortable conversation? Do you avoid it for as long as possible until you almost make yourself sick with worry over it? Do you speak in such a mild, non-confrontational way that the person you are telling doesn't get the fact that you are serious? Or do you speak with such brutal honesty and non-emotion that the person feels attacked and worthless when you are finished?

I know for me, I always had a tendency to be more direct and brutally honest when I had to deliver news that someone didn't want to hear. It is something that I have been working on and getting better at with practice. I think it comes from being brought up in a family of four strong males and the only way I could be heard was to be forceful.

Since becoming aware of my style of delivery, I have begun to understand that there is a better way, a way that gets a desired result for both parties. When you speak from you heart with kindness, intention, purpose and honesty, what you have to say is softened. It allows the other person to receive it in a non-threatening way, even if it is something they don't really want to hear. There is an Arabian proverb that says, “When you shoot an arrow of truth, dip its point in honey.”

Once again, it starts with awareness. Before you engage in any communication, especially if the subject is serious in nature and has the potential to inflict harm of some sort, think before you speak. Think about the outcome for both you and the other person. Think about how you would feel if you were the person getting the news. Think about how to deliver it. Come from a place of kindness and it is guaranteed to be a much more favorable outcome.

Communication is truly an art form. If we learn how to clearly and effectively interact with each other and learn better approaches to common confrontation, we can break the destructive pattern of communicating. This comes with willingness and practice. The outcome is a win-win situation for both the deliverer and the receiver of the interaction.

I would encourage you to go back in your memory storehouse to any situations in which you were either the deliverer or the recipient of something that wasn't pleasant to give or receive. What was the experience like for you, either way? How could it have been different? Are you willing to challenge yourself to learn a different way of communicating to create an outcome that feels better for you and the other person?

My coach's request for you this week is to become aware of your own style of communication and then try blending honesty with kindness by speaking from your heart. Try this in all of your interactions, not just the difficult ones. Sometimes just a little shift in how we do things makes all the difference in the world.

------------------------------

Catherine Fenske Ph.D. (c) is the owner of Live With Intention Coaching. She is a certified life coach and Spiritual Counselor. She is also a Reiki Master/Teacher. Catherine can be reached at 970-985-4499 or email at catherine@livewithintentioncoaching.com. Please go to her website at www.livewithintentioncoaching.com or you can visit her blog at http://fromblocked2bliss.wordpress.com to learn more about her.